On feeding babies during a party

Sitting in our room
I just made for you (6 months in)
Nursing
Scrolling
Thinking

There’s a lot of people out there.
I love to prep
the house
to host

I think because
I have a purpose
a task
I can do this well
I can arrange
make space
for people to be
to enjoy

But now they’re all here
and I’m overfilled with
the inkling of tears.

They want to hold you
and that’s ok
But I want to hold you
in my way
To let you rest
because I know
tonight may be
Long.

So I sneak away
to look at you
Even though all day
I felt alone.
Overwhelmed.
Wishing someone to hold you.

Now I want you just for me
Now I want time
quietly.

Comfort
Just you and me.

Putting you in your bed.
letting you rest your head.
Maybe not always
and sometimes we break
these rules of sleep.
But for tonight
I won’t overthink.

I’ll take my few minutes with you
be recharged and cherish you.

Letting you eat
smiles and googles
Letting you sleep
I know love with you.